I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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