He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
