NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
