We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
foreskin is a definite game changer
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
