got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
