I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Betty ford says i'm here all night
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
