what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
