I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
