I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
