I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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