just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
