I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
