so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
