I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
