woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
