A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
