so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
