i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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