Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
