if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
