I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
