Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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