Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm at about main and main street
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
