It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
