It's Friday. Sex?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
