I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
