highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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