I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
