Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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