I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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