This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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