i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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