He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
