Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i love accidental penises.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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