Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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