like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
