You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
