tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
FUCK WHALES
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
