you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
