I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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