Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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