I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
