New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Randomize
