My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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