if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
