We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
