What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
