guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
