the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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