I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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