Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
