hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
porn star boner night. come get it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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